Explaining the Death of a Pet to Your Child

If you're a pet owner, it's a sad fact of life that you'll have to cope with your pet's death sooner or later. This can be especially painful for children, who may have spent their entire lives in the company of your furry (or scaly) friend. Following are some tips for helping your child to understand and handle the death of a pet.

Be honest. Don't tell your child his pet was "put to sleep" because he may get false hopes that it will wake up again! Or it may scare him into thinking he'll die in his sleep, too. The same goes for telling him that Fluffy ran away or went to live with someone else. Gently tell him that your pet died.

Read children's books that talk about the death of a pet with your child. These books contain simple, easy-to-understand language that will help your child understand what happened. She'll also realize that others go through this experience.
Let your child know that it's okay to cry and be upset. Tell him that you are sad about your pet's death, too. Encourage him to talk about his pet and share memories when he's ready. Don't act as if the animal never existed or sweep its death under the rug.
Let your child help you think of a way to memorialize your pet. Plant a tree in the pet's honor. Make a homemade gravestone. Put together a photo collage for her room.
If you're religious, talk about your faith and beliefs about death. Do you think that Rover is in heaven? Let your child know that his pet is no longer ill or in pain. Help him to imagine how happy his dog is now. However, do not tell him that God "took" his pet to heaven as he may fear that God will take him away from you, too!
If you're reading this before your animal has passed away, it's a good idea to bring up the possibility of your pet's future death with your child. Explain that animals don't live as long as we do. This will help her not to be so shocked when her pet actually dies.
If possible, pick your time wisely to tell your child that Princess has died. You don't want to tell your child that her cat died right before she's ready to get on the school bus. Select a time when you'll be able to answer questions and allow your child to grieve privately.

Expect your children to react differently. One child may cry, while the other may seem indifferent and hold his feelings inside. You may need to talk with each child individually about how he or she is processing the pain.

Don't be in a big rush to replace the pet. Sometimes, children get the mistaken idea that people are replaceable, too! Give your child time to grieve the lost pet before talking about a new one.

The death of a pet is part of the human experience. Although you can never make this a pain-free event for your children, you can do a lot to help them process their pet's death and express their feelings.

Susan M. Heim is a former Senior Editor for the bestselling "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series. Her published books include "It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence"; "Oh, Baby! 7 Ways a Baby Will Change Your Life the First Year"; "Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons"; and the upcoming "Boosting Your Baby's Brain Power" and "Chicken Soup for the Soul: Twins and More." Her articles and essays have appeared in many books, magazines and websites. Susan writes a regular online column for Mommies Magazine called "Loving and Living with Twins and Multiples." She is also an expert on twins and multiples for AllExperts.com and ParentsConnect.com, and a parenting expert for SelfGrowth.com.

Susan is the founder of TwinsTalk, a website about twins and raising twins (http://www.twinstalk.com). Susan shares her parenting wisdom on her blog, Susan Heim on Parenting, at http://www.susanheim.blogspot.com She is the mother of 4 sons -- two teens and twin preschoolers.