Ways to Help a Child When a Pet is Dying or Has Died

The death of a pet can be a truly sad and challenging time for a child at any age. Whether you and your family are dealing with a precious cat who was hit by a car, a fish that has died, a rabbit that reaches old age or a dog who may be suffering at his end-of-life, children have strong attachments to this special member of your family. It's possible that the death of a pet is your child's first experience with death. Perhaps this is the reason why you didn't want to get a pet in the first place. It's natural for parents and caregivers to want to protect children from the pain associated with the loss of a pet. However, the death of a pet can help children learn that every living thing dies and that death is a part of life. Below are some helpful hints for dealing with children and pet loss.

o Tell your child as soon as possible if death is pending. Children are often curious about death and may feel resentful later on if they think they have been left out. Use honest, age-appropriate and gentle wording to talk with your child. Monitor the amount of information you give them, checking periodically to find out if they understand, have any questions, or want more information.

o If your pet died in a sudden accident you may want to tell a young child that you have some very sad news. Use simple and concrete wording. In addition to explaining that his body was hurt, that he stopped breathing his heart stopped beating you could also add that this means that your pet can't walk or play anymore, he can't bark, he can't eat anymore and he died. Clarify any misconceptions your child has about dying and death and ask if she has any questions.

o Does your child want to be present during euthanasia? Check with your veterinarian for guidance, keeping in mind that you may have to advocate for your child's involvement if you so choose. You probably have a sense whether or not she can handle being present during euthanasia or visiting her pet after he has died. Even young school-age children are able to make a decision about whether or not they want to be a part of the dying process if they are given information about what will happen and why.

o Some parents avoid involving children because they are afraid that the intensity of the situation may be too overwhelming for a child. Keep in mind that children learn from adults how to deal with death. This includes the intense feelings and emotions that accompany such a sad event. Allowing your child the opportunity to be a part of this goodbye process and family experience can prepare them for changes, future losses and death.

©2003, Hoping Skills Company. All rights reserved.

For more information about children and pet loss, read Cindy's other article: Helping Children Deal with Pet Loss.

Cindy Clark, MSW, CCLS is a social worker and certified child life specialist. She is also the co-founder of Hoping Skills Company Sympathy Gift and Grief Resource Center near Boston, MA that creates special pet loss gifts for children and adults. In the past, Cindy spent several years as a child life specialist at a children's hospital before pursuing the role of a children's bereavement coordinator in hospice. Cindy now utilizes her expertise in death and dying to develop special programming for funeral homes and the community. With nearly 15 years in the field Cindy also lends her expertise as a speaker, author, therapist and adjunct professor in the field of grief and bereavement.