Losing a Pet

Losing a pet for most of us is one of the darkest days of our lives.

The loss, whether it is by death due to health reasons or an accident, or simply a pet that has just disappeared, there are no words to describe the emptiness we feel.

We feel that the empty spot in our heart, will never fill up and we will always feel like a "half of a person."

The ray of sunshine, the one bright spot in our sometime dreary lives has left us.

How do we cope?

The process is different for each of us. The important thing is "we have to face it and deal with our grief."

By denying our feelings, we are hurting ourselves emotionally and we are not honoring the life of our "best friend."

Whatever the situation, a pet that was ill, a sudden unnecessary accident or a pet that wandered off and can't be found, each has to be dealt with.

You, as an emotional human being, need to honor the existence of your wonderful pet and by doing that; you will heal the empty spots in yourself.

How do you do that?

Simply by allowing yourself to go through all of the stages of grief. It does not matter, which stage you go through first, you just must begin.

The first stage is denial.

You cannot believe your pet is gone. In your mind you think it is a mistake, that it was not your cat or dog that got run over, your pet was not really sick and even though your pet ran out the open door and cannot be found, you know it will come back. It is okay for now to believe that.

Face every feeling that comes up. Get angry, scream and yell, if it makes you feel better.

Allow yourself to feel massive anger toward the vet, the person who accidentally hit your pet, or get mad at the pet who ran away.

Let what ever you are feeling flow free, do not keep it bottled up inside.

Talk to a close friend or family member, actually sometimes talking to a wall helps even more.

Try bargaining with whatever "Supreme Being" you believe in helps. Even though you know that whatever the terms of your bargain is, it will not bring your pet back, with the exception of the lost one.

Cry, sometimes crying is the best medicine. Cry until you think your heart will break and then cry some more. Cry intermittently for days, if that is how you feel. It really is okay.

Talk to people, your vet, and your minister or seek a professional counselor, if you feel you can not cope.

Check the Internet for sites that offer you a chance to communicate with others who have faced a loss like you have. Communication with like minded souls is good for you.

Do not feel rejected, if some of your family or friends do not understand your grief. Understand that there are some people that do not put the same value on a relationship with a pet as you do.

There are some people that think pets are not a necessary part of life and they cannot comprehend such emotional attachment.

Allow them to feel as they do. You know the joy that they are missing.

Grief and depression are normal feelings; it matters not if your loss was a person or a pet. The feelings are just as intense and need to be expressed.

If someone you know has lost a pet, let them talk, express your feelings and sympathy. Send them a card (there are cards for loss of pets,) write a note in your own words to express your thoughts and feelings. It will be appreciated.

Don't offer advice

Euthanasia: If you are faced with making the decision to have your pet euthanized, it can be the hardest thing you may ever have to do.

The thoughts of guilt that can fill your mind will be overwhelming.

Whatever the health situation is of your pet, you are never prepared to make that decision, no matter how well you know, you should make it.

When that time comes, most of us do two things, we pray for a miracle recovery or we pray for the pet to make the decision for us by passing in its sleep.

The thought of making the decision to take your pet's life, to many of us is like "playing God" and we do not like that choice.

Euthanasia is a painless death; it is accomplished by an injection of a strong dose of anesthetic. It takes only seconds to put the pet into a state of unconsciousness, then the breathing and the heart stops.

If you are considering this process for your pet, here are a few thoughts to hopefully help you make the right decision and to feel better about making it.


Is the current quality of my pet's life a good one?
Is my pet eating and is it interested in what is going on
around it?
Is there any pain associated with my pet's condition?
Are there any options available that I have not tried, to help
my pet?
Is my pet comfortable and aware of me?
Do I want to be present, when the injection is given?

These are just a few questions to consider.

Do not feel guilty regarding whatever choice you make. Know in your heart that you will make the correct decision and whatever it is IT WILL BE THE RIGHT ONE for you and your pet.

Your vet will be only to happy to give you counsel, but do not expect your vet to make the decision for you.

It is your choice, your vet can only tell you what to expect if you decide not to and what will happen if you do.

How do you tell the children?

First and foremost you, tell the children the "TRUTH."

Children are so much wiser that we give them credit for. They are aware of death, as they see it everyday, dead bugs, animals hit by cars, and birds that the "cat" got.

It is truly wrong not to be truthful with them, tell them if the household pet is sick and will soon die, or the pet has met with a sudden accident.

Children of all ages should be allowed to grieve, even if they don't understand the significance of death.

One of the worse things parent do, is tell the younger children that the pet is "going to be put to sleep" that phrase can cause much damage.

A young child can interpret it to mean that sometimes when you go to sleep you may never wake up. They could start to worry that such a thing could happen to them or to mommy and daddy.

Children do not require long lengthy explanations when they are in the two to three year old age bracket.

A simple statement like their pet died and will not come back is usually good enough. Children will cry or they may have a bed-wetting situation for a while, but with love and comfort from mom and dad, that will pass. Also the thought of a new pet will soon make a fears vanish.

Children that are four, five and six years old have a better understanding. However, it is important that they do not feel any responsibility for the pet's death. Some children may think they did something that made it happen (like telling the pet it was bad or to go away at one time or another.)

Parents should allow the children to express their concerns. Explain death in simple terms, possibly using some of the beliefs from your own faith.

The seven, eight and nine year old has already formed a preconceived notion of what death is. It is important that you as parents, answer their questions as honestly as you can. Usually their main concern is that you (mom and dad) are not going to be leaving them.

Children may not understand death as we do, but as a parent you cannot hide what is part of life. If you avoid telling your child the truth, you may be creating a deeper problem within the child.

If mommy or daddy won't talk about it, it really must be bad, so I won't talk about it either.

Burying the pet will not hurt as much as burying your child's emotions, regarding something that is as much a part of life as breathing is.

Be honest. If you have a religious faith use those principals to help illustrate the process of death. When talking to young children, let them ask questions. It is not necessary for you to go into great detail about death and dying. A brief explanation is usually all that is necessary.

Older children, especially young teenagers, who are going through enough emotional turmoil, just growing up, need to be handled carefully.

Allow them to express their grief in their own way. Give them some freedom to deal with their emotions, be patient and be supportive, but not overly so.

If your pet is ill and you are aware that the big decision will soon be forthcoming. Help your children prepare.

Possibly make a photo album of pictures of their pet, plan a simple burial service and let them come up with the ideas of how to handle it.

If a burial is not possible, let them plant a tree, a bush, shrub or flower in honor of their pet.

Let the child (children) have something concrete to remember their pet by.

Doing this allows the child to feel close to their pet and will give them something they can sit by and talk to. It will help to ease their grief.

Talk about your pet, remember the fun times you all shared and all the silly or naughty things your pet did. Savor the memories and when enough time has passed create some new ones with another furry friend.

Whatever you do, just be truthful, be patient and allow each member of the family time to handle their grief in their own special way.

Life and things are temporary, but memories live on forever.

As the mother of 6 now grown children, our household has suffered the loss of many beloved pets. From the lowly goldfish to our beautiful cats and dogs, they were mourned and their loss felt by all of us. Grief is a part of life and without the sadness, how would we appreciate the other joys that touch our lives. If you are a pet lover and even if you are not, come and visit me at http://www.cats-and-dogs-on-the-web.com/ You just may be glad you did.